The 1 thing that has NOT changed in 10 years since the Accident

It is 7:00 PM. This is about the exact time I was coming to the scene of the accident and my husband was saying, "I love you. Don't ever question it."

Today it has been ten years exactly since that day that changed everything for us in a moment. 

This date and event holds more power in my mind than any other I recall as it seems to be the biggest, most significant, life-quake I have ever experienced.

It changed everything.

Everything.

It changed our physical surroundings as we had to move out of our home, out of our town, out of our church, our local park, library, and my gym membership.

It changed our routines. The habits we had built of grocery rounds, taking the kids to get pictures made on certain occasions, weekly friend and church gatherings that were staples in our schedule, which one of us worked while the other one watched the kids, and the division of labor around the house to keep things moving and functional in our daily lives. Even the routines of basic hygiene were greatly altered for all of us. Showering became a luxury rather than a necessity. Resting or even sleeping turned into a rare but necessary treasure.

It changed our relationships with other people. Our immediate family, our extended family, our “adopted” families, our close friends, our distant friends, our local acquaintances that were becoming friends. 

So. Much. Loss. 

Not just because many went away, or stayed away, or merely prayed from away, but because we went away too; being able to maintain relationships in the midst of drowning in your own life is near impossible. Only the loyal, faithful, and intentional ones with a heart true towards you stay, and there are few.

It changed our belief about how others viewed us. Some for the better, a lot for the worse.

It changed our relationships with each other. Spouse, caregiver, patient, nurse, male, female… who is the leader? Who is our provider? What is wrong with dad? What is wrong with mom?

It changed our income potential as well as our economic status. Poverty came upon us in an instant and we were caught in a broken worldly system that even college educated people, one with a major in Social Work, could not get out of but for the grace and mercy of God responding to our faith and diligence in working His Word.

It changed our children’s school plan. Summer vacation and VBS plans. Raising them plans. Trips to take plans. Instead of creating them, we were now looking for outside help for opportunities to somehow position our children so they wouldn’t be left out or left behind, because it was not their fault that this happened.

It changed our dreams and hopes and goals. Rather than hoping for better of what we already had, we were desperate to just hold on to what we needed; the basics: food and shelter with air and heat. 

It changed our faith and belief about Christianity and theology concepts that are dispersed in times of suffering that no longer line up with our experience (and the Truths we were learning from the Scriptures). It birthed new faith for moves of God that we did not know were possible. It changed our concept of money and the priorities of how to steward it wisely, powerfully, and generously.

* * *

In the last ten years, the world has changed around us so much, while we seemed to go in circles day in and day out just trying to regroup, and recoup, all that was lost. 

Most people no longer want to talk... or listen... or answer when the phone rings.

Friendships no longer seem deeper than just a click of a button on a screen.

Books have been written, and movies were made from those same books! 

The cost of homes, land, and medicines have increased dramatically.

A handful of small businesses have been grown to massive businesses that are taking over our entire ways of life.

So. Much. Has. Changed!

But one thing that did not change and has not changed:

My belief in the goodness of God and the truth of His Word; the Bible. 

It has been the one anchor for my soul through this entire storm.

I don’t have great words, but I do serve a great God. Somehow in the midst of a horrible tragedy that changed everything for me, and our family, I still maintain that God is the sustainer of me. He is, always has been, and always will be my anchor, my compass, and my life force. He is the only reason I can continue to get out of bed, wear a smile, dance, sing, or find a reason to laugh amidst the struggles, and most importantly love others deeply and generously hoping they will see Him and His love for them too.

It is my sincere hope, that if you are reading this, you know what I am talking about. If you don't, please call out to Him. He will answer you. Open His Word (the Bible) and it will speak to you.

A few days, or maybe weeks, before the accident, I was thinking about the Scriptures I was memorizing, while leaving the gym, when I heard this thought (from the Lord); 

"It's not a matter of if you will need them, it's a matter of when."

I thought He was giving me something to say to encourage others. I had no idea, I would be desperately needing and recalling the Scriptures I had been memorizing during my workouts.

Here was one of them: 

"We are hard pressed on every side, 

but not crushed; 

perplexed,

but not in despair; 

persecuted, 

but not abandoned; 

struck down, 

but not destroyed.

We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus,

so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, 

so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.

So then, 

death is at work in us, 

but life is at work in you."

2 Corinthians 4:8-12 NIV

He loves you; Don't ever question it.

Clinging to Him & His promises, 

~Rachelle Suzanne :)

PS. This is one of my favorite songs I have recalled many times over the last decade as people will learn parts of our story and say I am so strong. These words are what I wish I could tell them.

The Warrior is a Child - by Twila Paris

Lately I've been winning battles left and right

But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
Because deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child

You can listen to the song by clicking HERE.