I spent the night sleeping on the floor of my twelve-year-old son's bedroom last night. I was on "suicide watch". a few days ago Right before bedtime, he called me back into his room. He was angry and upset at the same time. He was gathering information. "Is there an easier way? " he asked. "Before I pull this thing out, is there a way they would listen to me and have a surgery to take it out?" He was talking about the PD Catheter (Peritoneal Dialysis) that has been surgically in place for over 900 days now. It's been too long. It was a long journey even before that was put in to give him the "freedom" to be home for dialysis, and the freedom to have a better "quality" of life. I had just left his room frustrated myself. I did not want to be around him any longer, and I was looking forward to selfishly escaping to my own room to look at the news, or social media, and catch up with what is happening in everyone els
It is 7:00 PM. This is about the exact time I was coming to the scene of the accident and my husband was saying, "I love you. Don't ever question it." Today it has been ten years exactly since that day that changed everything for us in a moment. This date and event holds more power in my mind than any other I recall as it seems to be the biggest, most significant, life-quake I have ever experienced. It changed everything. Everything. It changed our physical surroundings as we had to move out of our home, out of our town, out of our church, our local park, library, and my gym membership. It changed our routines. The habits we had built of grocery rounds, taking the kids to get pictures made on certain occasions, weekly friend and church gatherings that were staples in our schedule, which one of us worked while the other one watched the kids, and the division of labor around the house to keep things moving and functional in our daily live