A few months ago, we were down to our last monies for the month with at least a week to go until new income would arrive. We had less than 1/4 tank of gas, food was getting down to "leftovers" and "hodge podge" meals, and we had our tithe check pre-written and ready to give at church.
Right before it was time to drop our tithe into the offerring basket, I realized I had overwritten the check by about $53! I had done my calculations incorrectly, which meant, I could quickly save us by voiding the check, rewrite it for less and have that money to help us stretch another week with food and gas! I felt I had found extra money to sustain us another week!
I had less than 60 seconds to alert my husband to this new money I "found", and his reply was to go ahead and just give it all. Honestly, I wasn't really wanting his contrary opinion, I was hoping he would validate my choice to void the overage and rewrite it for the "correct" amount "due". He thinks this was my attempt to remove me from all "guilt" and place him in the position of scapegoat. I have done that before... AKA "manipulating"... I guess we all have a little Eve in us - huh? (another blog about my Discover Card trick I pulled.)
I did not agree with his "hasty" reply to give it all, but since I asked him, I knew I needed to respectfully be submissive to his response. I went ahead and gave it all.
However, on the way home, the gas light came on. It was as if as soon as my flesh saw that and fear started to take root - I turned into a judging, criticizing, skeptical woman. Faith went out the window... as well as my Christian integrity.
I started to question my husband. What started out as subtle nice "I'm just wondering" quickly went downhill to a flat out temper tantrum with lots of sin involved (on my part). (I include that because there is a lesson to catch with just that piece of information alone... what I'll call the "sin downward spiral").
In an effort to try to reconcile if I had reason to have faith we would be okay, I asked things like the following:
The calmer he stayed, the madder I got. I clearly believed he was being thoughtless, ignorant, and irresponsible not taking care or giving thought to our monies the way I felt he should. All in all, I was scared. I did not feel or believe I was protected by him. I felt my mistake, in my original addition of the check, was now going to be my problem to deal with for the next week - while he was totally carefree and careless (in my opinion).
By the time we reached the house, I got out of the car and chose to leave him in the car (he is healing from quadriplegia and needs my assistance to get out. I knew I was not in a frame of mind to safely help him transfer to his wheelchair). It was a hot day, so I left the door open and went in the house to start lunch. (Scott says, "At least I was civil enough to leave him in the hot car (with the door open), so I could cool off before transferring him safely to his wheelchair.")
Within a few minutes eight year old daughter ran in the house and said, "Mom! Mr. Tim just came by and said God told him to come and give us $100."
"What?"
She repeated it. I stared at her in disbelief. She asked what was wrong. I said, "Nothing. God is teaching mommy a lesson." I did not know whether to laugh or cry.
When I went outside, sure enough, there was a large man (that looked like Mr.Tim) talking with Scott. I listened in on their conversation, and basically, he said to Scott, "This morning, as I was cleaning my room, the Lord told me to look in my drawer, and any money I had over $1000 to take it to the Rankins. I did not know how much I had, so I counted it, and I had $100 over. So, I got in my car and brought it up to you."
I knew I recognized him, but it took me a few minutes to realize it was the man who sold us our vehicle over two years ago! Rafael had come to our house to bring us the title to it, and we had not seen or heard from him since. Sidenote: He lives in a different city about 45 minutes away!
There is more to this story about our vehicle transaction with Rafael that makes this story even more meaningful to me. God-willing, we will write that part in another blog.
For now here is the conclusion:
When Rafael left, Scott was overcome with tears. He said something like, "He really loves us. I've heard the stories, but to experience it....". It was clear he was in true awe and amazement.
Scott has joined this recount of our story, and he says, "I feel so ashamed because when I prayed, I knew I was taking the right steps, but I did not actually have the faith that He would solve the problem for us that day so soon. It struck me with tears, because I realized, God really is listening to even our smallest requests, and He really does love us."
----------------------------------------------
Some extra thoughts I have that you may enjoy considering too:
It's through our transparent stories that we hope you are not only inspired, and exposed, in your own walk with Christ and how it realistically impacts your daily/ moment-to-moment choices, but that you truly come to know Him and how much He does love you and will do everything He has promised to do in His Word... for us and for you too. :) God is no respector of persons. We're still on our journey learning new things constantly as well.
~Rachelle :)
Right before it was time to drop our tithe into the offerring basket, I realized I had overwritten the check by about $53! I had done my calculations incorrectly, which meant, I could quickly save us by voiding the check, rewrite it for less and have that money to help us stretch another week with food and gas! I felt I had found extra money to sustain us another week!
I had less than 60 seconds to alert my husband to this new money I "found", and his reply was to go ahead and just give it all. Honestly, I wasn't really wanting his contrary opinion, I was hoping he would validate my choice to void the overage and rewrite it for the "correct" amount "due". He thinks this was my attempt to remove me from all "guilt" and place him in the position of scapegoat. I have done that before... AKA "manipulating"... I guess we all have a little Eve in us - huh? (another blog about my Discover Card trick I pulled.)
I did not agree with his "hasty" reply to give it all, but since I asked him, I knew I needed to respectfully be submissive to his response. I went ahead and gave it all.
I personally have witnessed over and over how we cannot outgive God and how God meets all of our needs - abundantly, but it seemed I was once again in a situation where I did not want to "needlessly stretch or suffer" if we did not "have to". (Am I sounding a bit legalistic? I think so.)In some way, I felt fine during the whole service. I had for the most part cheerfully given the tithe, submitted to my husband's wishes, and was confident God could not be outgiven.
However, on the way home, the gas light came on. It was as if as soon as my flesh saw that and fear started to take root - I turned into a judging, criticizing, skeptical woman. Faith went out the window... as well as my Christian integrity.
I started to question my husband. What started out as subtle nice "I'm just wondering" quickly went downhill to a flat out temper tantrum with lots of sin involved (on my part). (I include that because there is a lesson to catch with just that piece of information alone... what I'll call the "sin downward spiral").
In an effort to try to reconcile if I had reason to have faith we would be okay, I asked things like the following:
- "Do you think God will still bless that tithe even though we did not technically plan to give above and beyond our 10%?"
- "Technically, we're told be good stewards of our money. So, we have a responsibility to do that as well."
- "Since you" (talking to my husband) "did not prayerfully consider, or feel prompted ahead of time, to give over and above, I am not sure that will still qualify or count for God blessing it."
Even as I type this, I feel it's a bit ridiculous. However, in hindsight, I think it's clear I was being blinded by my fears. When you are in the middle of a real situation, it can be difficult to hang on to your faith and what you KNOW to be true as you battle doubts, technicalities, and what if's that are popping in your mind.My husband got the picture that I was quite distressed and so his remedy was to quickly say a prayer to cover us. This made me even madder. It was something like, "Dear God. Even though we didn't plan on giving you the extra tithe money, would you please bless it? Thank you. Amen."
The calmer he stayed, the madder I got. I clearly believed he was being thoughtless, ignorant, and irresponsible not taking care or giving thought to our monies the way I felt he should. All in all, I was scared. I did not feel or believe I was protected by him. I felt my mistake, in my original addition of the check, was now going to be my problem to deal with for the next week - while he was totally carefree and careless (in my opinion).
By the time we reached the house, I got out of the car and chose to leave him in the car (he is healing from quadriplegia and needs my assistance to get out. I knew I was not in a frame of mind to safely help him transfer to his wheelchair). It was a hot day, so I left the door open and went in the house to start lunch. (Scott says, "At least I was civil enough to leave him in the hot car (with the door open), so I could cool off before transferring him safely to his wheelchair.")
Within a few minutes eight year old daughter ran in the house and said, "Mom! Mr. Tim just came by and said God told him to come and give us $100."
"What?"
She repeated it. I stared at her in disbelief. She asked what was wrong. I said, "Nothing. God is teaching mommy a lesson." I did not know whether to laugh or cry.
When I went outside, sure enough, there was a large man (that looked like Mr.Tim) talking with Scott. I listened in on their conversation, and basically, he said to Scott, "This morning, as I was cleaning my room, the Lord told me to look in my drawer, and any money I had over $1000 to take it to the Rankins. I did not know how much I had, so I counted it, and I had $100 over. So, I got in my car and brought it up to you."
I knew I recognized him, but it took me a few minutes to realize it was the man who sold us our vehicle over two years ago! Rafael had come to our house to bring us the title to it, and we had not seen or heard from him since. Sidenote: He lives in a different city about 45 minutes away!
There is more to this story about our vehicle transaction with Rafael that makes this story even more meaningful to me. God-willing, we will write that part in another blog.
For now here is the conclusion:
When Rafael left, Scott was overcome with tears. He said something like, "He really loves us. I've heard the stories, but to experience it....". It was clear he was in true awe and amazement.
Scott has joined this recount of our story, and he says, "I feel so ashamed because when I prayed, I knew I was taking the right steps, but I did not actually have the faith that He would solve the problem for us that day so soon. It struck me with tears, because I realized, God really is listening to even our smallest requests, and He really does love us."
----------------------------------------------
Some extra thoughts I have that you may enjoy considering too:
- Funny that on the way giving to church I knew we were down to nothing and was totally fine with that. It was not until I realized I had overgiven, that I somehow reclaimed the difference as ours, that I got crazy about the whole ordeal. Trying to reconcile if God would still bless it - even though it was a mistake - or what is our responsibility to take care of ourselves.
- "I felt my mistake, in my original addition of the check, was now going to be my problem to deal with for the next week - while he was totally carefree and careless (in my opinion)." Question: Am I truly honoring or giving my husband the role and respect as a "leader", or simply wanting his decisions to be my way and if they are not - I take them back and stress over my problems because he's not leading!
- Notice the timing - he was driving simultaneously to our "debate" in the car, on the way home from church, of whether or not God would bless our tithe and take care of us that very week. It's a 15-20 minute drive from church to our home.
- Also worth noting: this man obeyed immediately! He was at our home before 1 o'clock that afternoon.
- The world can pass this entire story off as a coincidence, but in doing so they lose the blessing of connection that God is trying to make with us.
It's through our transparent stories that we hope you are not only inspired, and exposed, in your own walk with Christ and how it realistically impacts your daily/ moment-to-moment choices, but that you truly come to know Him and how much He does love you and will do everything He has promised to do in His Word... for us and for you too. :) God is no respector of persons. We're still on our journey learning new things constantly as well.
~Rachelle :)
Comments
Post a Comment