I Chose To Sing
While Scott was at Baylor Hospital, I was trying to balance
helping our children maintain some sort of activity schedule beyond going to
and from the hospital. One thing I decided to do was take them to the Saturn
Road Church Vacation Bible School. We
also tried to attend Saturn Road Church on a few Sundays. This was the church the family attended that
we were staying with as well, so it seemed the polite thing to do; to attend
the functions they invited us to.
I vividly remember one such function where my Spirit seemed
to be splitting in two, and supernatural things were happening to it.
We had been invited to the church picnic. It was a long drive north through an older
part of town. It was older, but nonetheless contained its’ own beauty. Though the houses were small, the yards were
green, and the trees were established.
The kids were anxious to see where we were going. As we drew closer, they continued to ask, “Is
this it?”. I reassured them with, “We’re
almost there!”. I most likely talked
aloud my directions as I was following them to keep them in the loop of what
was coming next.
We turned right, and Avery announced she saw where we were
supposed to go. We turned right again
into the parking lot. It was a long
grassy area where cars were already starting to make their own parking spaces.
Wow! This was going to be a large church picnic at this
park. It looked like most of the
congregation was showing up. The congregation was over 1000 people.
We got out of the car and proceeded to locate the Cox
family. They had set up their picnic
paraphernalia; chairs, cooler, and spread a cloth on the ground. The kids were
excited to go and play at the nearby park.
Samuel, of course, was a handful the entire time. Not because he was doing
anything wrong, but because of his age and curiosity and everything around
him. He was taking in his new exploring
environment as well.
A large speaker system had been set up and announcements
were happening. Everyone started to sing
as one as I rounded up the kids and had them sit on the blanket for their
snack, and so I could participate with the overall event.
I don’t remember any other songs that were sung but one in
particular. It so moved my Spirit and it was a truly defining moment in my
personal decision of how I would respond to what looked and felt like an
overwhelming tragedy to our whole family unit.
It’s interesting how certain songs are released and become
mainstream at certain periods of our lives. Many songs we’ve heard but never
really listened to become amplified in our times of transition or pain. There were a multitude of songs that I tuned
into during my travels to and from Baylor in those wee early hours of the
morning. This particular song, released
five years prior, had not yet become significant to me, but this is the day
that it became my heart’s anthem; an anthem for me and the girls.
As the congregation began to sing…The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice
He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great,
How great is our God.
I took notice of the words.
I listened to them.
I really listened to them.
My soul found peace in them.
But then, there was an internal conflict, a shaking, and a trembling.
Tears wanted to flow, but I wanted to
hold them back. This was not the appropriate place for a meltdown. This was not
the time for me to rebel against those words and cry out to God my anguish; not
in the middle of all these people who had on their happy faces.
Isn’t it interesting how that split happens? You must know what I am talking about. I am
certain most have experienced it, though I’ve not heard one describe it
verbally. When you feel so sad, so hurt,
and so broken and you stand in the midst of those around you who are appearing
to be so happy, almost extremely the exact opposite of what you are feeling.
There’s intensity in that moment; one of contrast and of deep emotion. It’s almost as if the happier you see
everyone else, the sadder and more isolated you want to become.
The singing continued…Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end
The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb
I didn’t know the verses, but somehow I knew the chorus.
Maybe it was just catchy. Maybe I had sung it before. Nevertheless, the words
were branding my heart with a new hope, and a new resolve to praise and honor
and worship the Lord, and to not lose my faith and hope in Him, and His
greatness, no matter what.
I chose to sing…Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God
How great is our God, sing with me,
How great is our God, and all will see,
How great,
how great is our God!
As I sang, tears poured and my voice cracked. It’s good I
was not on the microphone, but then again, if I had been, I believe as my voice
quivered and my heart spoke, anyone who heard may have been moved with utter
compassion and that song may have broken their innocence and hardness of heart
as mine was being broken, and yet restored much stronger. I chose to sing. It was liberating and
strengthening in some sort of way. I did not just sing the words, my heart sang
them with complete resolve to believe that which I was speaking. It was as if
we were trampling on all the bad and evil that was trying to force it’s way
upon us. Our weapons of defense were
singing a song proclaiming the greatness of our God, and I chose to believe
“all will see” someday. It did matter
how I responded for the kingdom of God’s people. One baby step resulting in a
giant leap.
How
great is our God, sing with me,
How great is our God, and all will see,
How great,
How great is our God!
How great is our God, and all will see,
How great,
How great is our God!
***
Days,
or maybe it was weeks, later, I was taking our children to Plano to stay with a
woman who had volunteered to let them spend the night with her family. It is a very beautiful and meaningful memory
for me.
Though
concrete was all around us, coming out of the city on the highway, the weather
was a perfect temperature, neither hot nor cold, and the earth was romancing me
with the sun’s glow as it was beginning to set.
We
had the radio on, and Chris Tomlin’s song, “How Great Is Our God” began to
play. Before it was all over, all of us,
myself and our three small children (ages 7, 5, and 1 ½), were singing this
song at the top of our lungs. I had
rolled the window down, and had my left arm and hand lifted up to Heaven as we
drove 70mph and praised the Lord.
Hearing the children join in on this occasion had tears streaming down
my face. The peace that passes all understanding, the joy unspeakable, the
faith that wells up from a place that just seemed desperate and empty and
hopeless… all present and transformational.
I
have since discovered that the Lord sings praises over us (Zephaniah 3:17), and that He inhabits
the praise of His people. I have also
seen where it is our praise that is the catalyst to changing our circumstances (Psalm 67:5-6). At the time of such great internal suffering and
confusion (all weapons of the enemy Satan), I didn’t know the referenced
Scriptures, but I can testify that I knew my soul, and the unity with our
children’s souls, were all strengthened by lifting our voices to the Lord and
proclaiming His greatness above all.
No
matter how bad it hurts, or how much your mind wars that you are being a
hypocrite, do it anyway. Sing it anyway.
At the top of your voice, with your windows down, and your hands lifted to
heaven (well, keep at least one on the steering wheel).
Tears or no tears. Just sing. Let your heart
sing.
Force your mouth to speak the
praises of our Lord, your God, King above all kings (including Satan and his
kingdom), Name above all names.
Let your heart sing, “How Great Is Our God”,
and you too will experience how great He is – in that moment and in the ones to
come.
"How Great Is Our God"
Chris Tomlin
Chris Tomlin
The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice
He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end
The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb
Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice
He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end
The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb
Name above all names
Worthy of our praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
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