Yesterday, was our four year anniversary since my husband's "accident".
Pieces everywhere. Four years later, there are still pieces waiting to be placed. While a new picture of our life has been taking shape, there are still sharp edges and broken slithers scattered about in my mind.
As we approached our four year mark from that day that completely threw me off my plans, I honestly was struggling. I was hurting so bad inside, and I still am.
It's hard to complain about it when you know that what you thought was a tragedy actually has contained many blessings.
I once said, after this happened, "It's NOT going to be OKAY. It's just going to be."
I believe I am still sticking with that for now.
I would never want to discount what we have learned since it happened. How faithful God has been to us! But, I don't ever want to validate that this had to happen, or that it was good that it happened. I don't believe that to be true. Yes, it did happen. But, I don't believe you have to go through something like this in order to find these lessons or deep experiences of feeling.
I don't have to take drugs to experience their effects. I can learn from other's mistakes.
Therefore, I submit this to anyone reading this. Please take note: if there is sin in your life, or sin in your spouse's life, please don't take it lightly. It needs to be corrected immediately. You both need to be in the Word of God daily and seek His forgiveness and cleansing and get about the business of obeying all that He tells you to do (1 John 1:9 is a beautiful promise).
I believe, the greatest thing we have learned, is that His blessings are for us now on earth (not just when we die and go to Heaven). When we live contrary to the Word of God, we are exposing ourselves to the evil in this world. Even if we are righteous and blameless, and we get hurt or pain comes - we can overcome that with the Lord! The devil cannot beat or defeat us.
We did not know all this when our "tragedy" happened to us. I don't believe it has to happen to you. Stay well, stay whole... so you can help others, like ourselves who are quietly suffering behind closed doors.
But, our victories are happening and they are increasing in frequency and impact as we continue to seek the Truth and live it out day by day.
God Bless.
~Rachelle 7/16/2013 2pm
- He was on his bicycle (road-bike) taking his routine route (for exercise and sport).
- He was found lying on the road behind a "parked" delivery truck.
- He was care-flighted to the hospital - and diagnosed a C5 Quadriplegic. (He broke his face bones, neck, and had compression fractures in his back.)
Pieces everywhere. Four years later, there are still pieces waiting to be placed. While a new picture of our life has been taking shape, there are still sharp edges and broken slithers scattered about in my mind.
- Aside from going back to pack our suitcases, we never went back to our home.
- Our income, careers, businesses were instantaneously shut down.
- Family members I believed sincerely loved and cared about us - no more available
- "Close" friends I believed would be life-long - most have not present or available
- Church associations - very supportive at the urgent stage and moving on as life moves on for everyone; some specifically have been closed to helping us since we are not "members" of that particular "church" (= heartbreaking to see the body of Christ acting in such manner)
- Our routine was completely changed as we had to move multiple times until we finally reached our current home. Three years later, I am still trying to get through some of the boxes in the garage!
- Both of my husband's and mine independence challenged. My husband is completely dependent on me for his fundamental daily needs - physically is the obvious one, but mentally seems to be in a different place as well. I don't think anyone, not in this situation, can imagine how this has effected every aspect of our relationship with each other, our children, and the world around us.
- Our children have had to make adjustments and are still making them. For example, our now five year old son recently came to a place of anger and frustration because his family is not "normal" and his dad is "broken".
- I've learned it's okay to not just be givers, but sometimes we must be humble enough to receive from others as well.
- I've learned if you don't ask for help, people very easily don't know you need it. It's easy to let bitterness take root when you feel lonely and forgotten by your own family (church or extended). Bitterness will destroy YOU, and ultimately THEM because YOU are important to THEM too (when they have need).
- I've seen people do creative and amazing things to help us - things that have inspired me to open my eyes better to see and meet the needs of others around me.
- I've learned to be content with what we have; knowing that eventually, if I really need something, it will come to pass and I will have it.
- I've seen God be faithful in SO MANY ways. He's answered my heart's desires with free furniture I am needing on the side of the road or strangers mowing our grass at the very moment I need it. He's sent people to us for various helps. He's inspired people to mail money to us. He's had people stop by our home with food even.
- I've learned we truly have NO EXCUSE to get into debt, to stop tithing, or to stop setting money aside for others - even when you think you have so little. It all really does come down to your priorities, and your choices, with your money. All that the WORD OF GOD says about these things is true and works when you do what it says. God is bigger than any of our fears of lack.
- I've learned that true forgiveness is CRITICAL.
- I've learned that children don't have to be forced to learn this or that - they learn amazingly on their own when they are given freedom to think, be creative, and play. As parents, we don't have to be so worried about checklists as much as character and providing good opportunities and resources for them.
- I've learned how to speak sickness away from my body and from our household.
- I've learned the power of our words is amazing!
- I've learned God's Word is so much richer and full of truth that is applicable today than I saw before. It can be used as a teacher and a weapon for anyone, anytime, for any situation - and it will work. If it is not "working", than it is us who needs greater revelation.
- I've met the "Word of Faith" teachings and have seen greater victories in our life because of this. I no longer feel quite the victim of our circumstances, but rather empowered to take ownership in my life and faith. (We have been learning much from the Copelands, Duplantis, Dollar, Savelle, Scrivner to name a few).
- We've learned how to fast - and it's power.
- We've learned how to write and stand on petitions - and it's power.
- We've learned that people who judge people "living on food stamps" are totally wrong. It's nothing like you think - and if anyone wants to play the game on food stamps - that in itself has to make those who don't have to do that feel pity for that person. It's not easy and it's not plenty. We need to quit judging others less fortunate that ourselves in any given realm and start having and showing more compassion and just give as people have need.
- I've learned to not automatically assume everything that happens - must have been God's will and therefore we should just accept it. That's the devil's scheme and will keep us confused and broken and sick and poor!
As we approached our four year mark from that day that completely threw me off my plans, I honestly was struggling. I was hurting so bad inside, and I still am.
- Why did this happen? What is it teaching us? How is it to help us and others?
- Why is it taking so long for him to completely heal?
- Why are we still struggling financially?
- Why did all my dreams (my business specifically) have to stop completely?
- Why did the kids have to go through this and miss so much that we had planned for them during these young years?
- Why have most of our family and friends abandoned us and God has used strangers have loved us?
- What are we supposed to do with all of this?
- How will our children turn out?
- How will our dreams come to pass?
- How will we earn money and catch up on our savings and retirement?
- How will we look back and say this has been "worth it"?
It's hard to complain about it when you know that what you thought was a tragedy actually has contained many blessings.
I once said, after this happened, "It's NOT going to be OKAY. It's just going to be."
I believe I am still sticking with that for now.
I would never want to discount what we have learned since it happened. How faithful God has been to us! But, I don't ever want to validate that this had to happen, or that it was good that it happened. I don't believe that to be true. Yes, it did happen. But, I don't believe you have to go through something like this in order to find these lessons or deep experiences of feeling.
I don't have to take drugs to experience their effects. I can learn from other's mistakes.
Therefore, I submit this to anyone reading this. Please take note: if there is sin in your life, or sin in your spouse's life, please don't take it lightly. It needs to be corrected immediately. You both need to be in the Word of God daily and seek His forgiveness and cleansing and get about the business of obeying all that He tells you to do (1 John 1:9 is a beautiful promise).
I believe, the greatest thing we have learned, is that His blessings are for us now on earth (not just when we die and go to Heaven). When we live contrary to the Word of God, we are exposing ourselves to the evil in this world. Even if we are righteous and blameless, and we get hurt or pain comes - we can overcome that with the Lord! The devil cannot beat or defeat us.
We did not know all this when our "tragedy" happened to us. I don't believe it has to happen to you. Stay well, stay whole... so you can help others, like ourselves who are quietly suffering behind closed doors.
But, our victories are happening and they are increasing in frequency and impact as we continue to seek the Truth and live it out day by day.
God Bless.
~Rachelle 7/16/2013 2pm
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