Capturing God; Getting Out of the Mud Puddle; He's Already Saved Us!

I've captured God.

Or,

has He captured me?

~

I was pulled out of a dream with my sister-in-law speaking as if she were a golf expert about some bizarre golf hole in a mysterious place.  I had not opened my eyes yet. I could hear what had woken me up.  "Mah...Ma".  This time more intentional and much more deliberate,"Mahhhhh...Ma".

It was our cat. Yes, our cat. He knows how to get my attention. Rather than his usual "me-ow", he seems to focus in on saying, "ma-ma".  It both startles and amazes me, and of course I respond to his great performances... no matter the time.

I stumbled to open the inside garage door to let him in.  After a brief greeting, I proceeded to open our bedroom window to let him outside. (This is his normal routine).

I fell back into bed, hoping to go back to sleep, (it was only 4 am) and two things happened: (1) I started to notice the pattern of my husband's breathing (this always keeps me awake once I hear it - like the ticking of a clock you never hear until there is total silence and then you cannot stop hearing it, and (2) my mind woke up and I started conversing in my head.  Once that happens, no matter how much my eyes are burning to stay shut, my insides are wide awake and it's hard to go back to sleep.

Here were my thoughts:

Replay of earlier conversation with my husband about why neither of us are going "all in" all the time with our faith for complete and instant healing (mainly with his situation but it could apply to all areas of our life).  I heard the comment, "I'm afraid if I do, what if I'm wrong, and what if I do all that and it's for nothing and the healing doesn't happen...". There was a sense that we would let those around us watching, hoping, believing down if we go all in and God doesn't come through with what we believe He can and promised He'd do based on our being wrong and misinterpreting the Scriptures.

I started to laugh in my mind. What a ridiculous comment! I almost woke my husband up as I wanted to bust out laughing physically with him over this.  I cannot believe BOTH of us had said all that in all seriousness earlier yesterday!  That was straight out of the mind/mouth of Satan and we let it come right out our mouths!  As my mind replayed this scene for me, it only took a split second for me to see it as ridiculous and hilarious.  As if we (created by God) could in all seriousness mistake His Word (the Bible) to the point where we could make up that He could save us, heal us, deliver us from anything and anyone at anytime, and if we believed that too much - we would possibly risk looking like fools ourselves, risk giving God a bad reputation for not following through with what "we" believed, and even worse realize that our God is NOT who "we" thought Him to be after all.

Who would want us to believe that?  NOT GOD!  After all, after a brief five hour sleep, it seems much clearer now... didn't God cover all that we could ever ask or imagine in countless Scriptures all centered around "OUR FAITH"?

Once I realized our laughable error, I started to think about how miserable I have been (and am). How weighted down that makes me feel, and how free I wish I could be (on the inside).  My recent behaviors don't fit me, and I know it, yet I have not been able to shake them off - though I desire to really bad.

As a ship headed the wrong direction, with the current making that easy, I saw myself slowly turn it toward the Lord and say, "Help! I need you to save me...".  At the same time I was seeing myself getting in position to be a heap of brokenness and humbled and weeping (all on the inside) at His feet, He answered me, before I could play that out, with, "I already did."  It wasn't a sarcastic or harsh tone, but more of a confident gentle, "I already did." It could have had a hint of comedy still, because my mind immediately switched gears to, "Well, yeah, I know that, but...". 

Then, I saw myself in a heap of a mud-puddle, and I was choosing to stay in it.  My mind's eye zoomed out, and I saw the Lord's frame standing not far from me, but all around me was a peaceful land filled with light and green grass. 

It was as if the Lord was pointing out the obvious that I had missed: Even though I am in the mud, I am still in His land... His kingdom, where He is King over all (including me) and I am safe there and I am saved there. 

He doesn't require me to wallow in the mud, but I am wallowing in that mud because that is where I have chosen to be. At any time, He has provided ways for me to get up, clean up, and enjoy the grassy light areas where He is walking.  It's through obedience to His Word! Complete surrender. Complete obedience (thank you Charles Stanley for your message, "The Priority of Obedience Part 1", that pierced my hardended heart today and now the Lord is using it).

Almost as soon as I felt peace with this beautiful analogy playing out in my mind, I started to think about sharing it with others. As soon as I did that, I started to have doubts and started to analyze and criticize the analogy. Why would Jesus think it's okay to play in the mud? He made it. Mud can be good for us. Mud masks are used to draw out impurities. Hey, mud could be like the suffering "He allows" in our life that He can use to make us more pure, reveal the impurities, etc... and we just have to know when and how to get out of the puddle..... and there I went.

I believed I had made the whole thing up. The peace of believing that I had an encounter with my Lord and Saviour (in my mind at four in the morning) had left.

I turned on my light to try to read. I was hoping I could fill my mind with something else and in the process lull myself back to sleep.  My eyes burned the moment that light pierced the darkness. I was still, eyes closed, for a few more moments to try to adjust.  I started to read the book on my nightstand. I am nearing the end of "Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe" by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson (I would recommended this book for every mother, especially new moms who are not desperate but want a vision for their role as mothers).

True Story:

When I saw this, in the book, I had a smile come across my face. I knew it was the Lord giving me that vision earlier, and here was physical proof. I don't know how He does this, but He did it again.

Page 161 She's quoting CS Lewis who said, "We are like ignorant children who want to continue making mud pies in a slum because we cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a vacation at the sea."

Can you believe that?  It's true. 

I noted the keywords that jump out at me after writing this, in case you missed it.  I only saw the connection to "mud pies" earlier, but after I've written this down, I see the others woven in my story as well.  So cool. So amazing. So God.

So, I was validated. On one hand it makes me sad that I still need Him to do things like that because I don't trust my inner conversations with Him all the time. Often I don't notice them or believe they are Him. I'm still learning to recognize the "red flags" of when my thoughts and knowings are Him, from the evil one, or my own (if that could exist).

On the other hand, I am so grateful that He leads me in such a way to know that I know it is He that is leading me. There is security, safety, and peace when a child knows her Father sees her, knows her, notices her, and is guiding her in the ways of what she knows is truth and wisdom.

I could not keep reading. I could not go back to sleep. I had to make myself come in here, turn the computer on, jump on this blog and just write this down! If only I had all the stories He's given me written down. Far too often, I put it off, discount the importance of doing it right then, and lack the discipline to do it.

But, this morning, the devil did NOT win. I captured God. He captured me. We're sharing it with you so you too can be captured by His love, His grace, His mercy, His faithfulness, His truth, His wisdom, and His presence available to all of us.  We have to listen and know His voice.

I hope in sharing this peek into my inner world, you are able to see Him in yours.

I hope neither one of us ever discounts this verse: Mark 9:23

Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”

I'm getting out of the mud puddle. I'm believing for the impossible (which is really possible if I can believe). It's time to kick Satan out of my thoughts completely. More Word. More Obedience. More faith working. I am free in Jesus' name.