Testimonies & Thoughts

This morning, as I write this, people all over the world are celebrating Christmas. Homes are filled with peace like no other time in the year. The poor are getting extra meals and gifts they normally would not have. Beautiful displays of lights and decorations fill the soul with a romantic sense of the season and transport hearts to places they haven't been in years. Stores and restaurants finally prioritize spending time with family and close down, even if for just a few hours.  Fun, warm, special, and treasured memories abound for many during this annual celebration. At the same time, there are many who have walked through this season with great pain and sorrow. They are experiencing the real contrast of the season because they personally have felt abandoned, experienced deep grief, or deal with psychological issues and memories that make the Christmas Holiday Season a difficult one for them.   Both Christians and non-Christians are included in the categories ...

I was driving home after an exhausting day of errands. It was dark, but it was still early in the night. My cell phone rang, and it was a woman who I had started to have deeper conversations with. Making friends was very difficult during this time, because our family was under so much stress constantly and I was trying to balance all of our needs; including my need to reach out and not stay isolated.   "Rachelle, I am headed to your house to drop off some Target Gift Cards we got your family for Christmas. Are you home?" she asked. "No, but Scott is and I am only five minutes away. I am heading there right now."  I was so excited to be there to receive her gift. It was so thoughtful. "OK. I cannot stay, but I will at least drop them off." I restated that I was literally around the corner, and that I would be there in just a few minutes. I practically begged her to wait for me, so I could at least say hello and thank her face to face. I ...

Before I explain the Spiritual catalyst that finally prompted us to completely stop celebrating Christmas, I want to tell a few more bittersweet examples of how my Christmas experiences, after my husband's accident, were changing my mindset about the entire holiday. [ If you have not already, Read Part 1 of this post Here ] Shortly after he was discharged from his two-month stay in the hospital, I received three calls from representatives who informed me that our family had been "chosen" to be the recipients (AKA "the project family") of Christmas gifts and donations from a local organization that helps keep teens off drugs, a group of kind teachers from the new school our second grader had started attending, and there was a group of attorneys. On one hand, this sounds amazing!  He we were completely displaced from our home, in a completely new city, had no income source at all other than our dependence on donations that were fortunately coming in, and we ...

Christmas is five days away, and I don't have any presents bought for our kids, we don't have a Christmas Tree up, and there is no big family Christmas get together to look forward to. I did at least buy a Winter Wreath (Semi-Christmas Holiday looking) for our front door and decorated our living space with a red tablecloth and red throw blanket. Photo Courtesy of My Daughter, KaraJR The kids did get to attend all their group Christmas parties (I am trying to build community and meaningful relationships around them and these are all put on by their school or groups they are involved with, so we walked through the motions of these events for the relationship benefits.): Elementary Music Performance High School Christmas Concert Fifth Grade Class Party 4 H Christmas Party PLA Christmas Party (4H Leadership) Junior Church Group Christmas Party Ninth Church Group Christmas Party Junior Class Christmas Party So, why am I the seemingly modern "Bah Humbu...

I did not stay in the toxic relationship because I needed it, as in a codependent way, but because I wanted it to work.  I wanted to be needed and appreciated most definitely.   I wanted to finish what I had started, believing it would reflect bad character if I didn’t do so.   I wanted the picture of what I believed a successful family looked like. I wanted what I believe God’s call for families is – to remain together, loyal, unconditional love, forgiving – and I most certainly did not want the blame for messing it all up. But, I now realize, looking back, by my leaving I do not get 100% of the blame for “messing it all up”.  In my staying, I messed it up too.   The sin that was accepted, tolerated, and promoted is what destroyed our family. And, I should have broken our family a long time ago so that we would have had a chance to become whole again – if that is what it would have taken for those sins to stop. Domestic violence and abuse can be...

In my dream, he was the person I knew. He was independent with a fully functioning "normal" man's body. He was vibrant and full of life with a light and energy about him. He had come home from work to surprise me, as it was common for him to find reasons to surprise me, and there was joy between us and a sense of loving romance that felt safe. I woke up to my alarm and realized he was gone. The reality of his present condition came back to memory, and as deep sadness replaced my previous joy, I had this thought, "We never got to have a funeral for losing the man we knew and loved. No one ever had the chance to grasp the painful reality we have faced and to be alongside us to grieve with us and comfort us on the life after his accident. They just started to fade away back into their lives." I wonder do they even know how hard this has been behind closed doors? Have they chosen to abandon us because they don't know, or because they know but don't k...

I have to disagree with a sermon where a preacher, referring to Mark chapter 4, said,  " Jesus Christ led them into the storm. That's right. He orchestrated it. It wasn't just some by happen stance, what do you know it happened - no, it's very clear that Jesus was the one that allowed it to happen - actually led them into it. "  This statement was in the middle of two other statements:  first, that everyone is either headed into, into, or coming out of some sort of storm, and second, that every one of us are going through some sort of issue in life. If that is the truth, then are we all to believe that Jesus is the One orchestrating all of these storms? What does that make Jesus to me? A friend or foe? I want to propose my reasoning for why I completely disagree with his proclamation that Jesus led his disciples into that storm on purpose. I also hope this post will alert the body of Christ to be sure to line everything we hear, believe, and say with the ...

"Would you skip a day of dialysis for Samuel?"  I heard it loud and clear. I was asleep and all of a sudden I was aware of this conversation happening. "Of course I wouldn't." My mind immediately answered. "Then why do you skip days of reading the Word?"  was the response, and then the voice was gone. It was still dark, and I guessed it to be around four in the morning. I was sleeping beside my daughter, as I was too tired to go up and down the stairs again tonight when either his dialysis machine beeped (asking for me to reposition him), or her glucose sensor alarm went off (alerting me her blood sugar was either too high or too low). I knew that it was the Lord that had just entered the room of my thoughts. There are times like these when I know His voice. It's direct. Clear. Wise; concepts that immediately make sense, but that I know I did not think, because after it's gone, I am still trying to reason, or process, what was just said...